张爱玲说过一句话，不主动，怕失去你 ；太主动，怕自作多情；伸手怕犯错。缩手怕错过。多一点怕打扰。少一点怕遗憾，我想见你。但我清楚，唯有你想见我时，我们的见面才有意义！
余秀华说：其实，睡你和被你睡是差不多的，无非是两具肉体碰撞的力，无非是这力催开的花朵，无非是这花朵虚拟出的春天让我们误以为生命被重新打开。我是穿过枪林弹雨去睡你，我是把无数的黑夜摁进一个黎明去睡你，我是无数个我奔跑成一个我去睡你，我穿过大半个中国去睡你。
不管是张爱玲的矜持，还是余秀华的直白，每天有数不清的人煎熬行走在想见TA或者想睡TA的路上。地铁站、咖啡厅、餐馆、旅店、公园到处有约与被约、醉与被醉和睡与被睡的场景。
想见你或者想睡你，从第一眼认识就有了冲动和骚动。起初你只是在乎TA了，手机不离手，一有空就想去看对方的信息，翻阅对方的朋友圈，看有没有更新动态，看有没有遗漏对方的问候。脸上总是挂着莫名其妙的笑意。几个小时，几天没有联络，你会魂不守舍，各种猜测。情感的渴望和幻觉会令你如坐针毡寝食难安。一次次翻看TA的头像，翻阅聊天记录，从过往的聊天记录里，你会偷偷地笑，感觉亲切、温暖。你有空就想问“你在干嘛？”，尽管TA难得给你回复信息，一天发了三个，对方没有回复你的信息，表情也难得回复给你，你知道TA已经看见了，只是在忙，你只好失落地发给自己。
这种情感，在年轻人身上发生这是恋爱了，但在中年甚至老年人身上同样也会发生。电影《我爱你》倪大红主演的常为戒问李慧如为啥给山哥朋友圈点赞，给自己不点赞？当看到李慧如给自己点赞后，他开心地连亲了几口手机。任何年龄段的人，都希望得到被自己在乎的人的关注，聊天时当你看到聊天框对方正在输入，你迟迟却没有收到消息你居然也会吃醋。
这几天，大家都在惋惜活力四射的李玟突然自杀离世的各种报道。李玟承受的一些痛苦被媒体报道了，但媒体没有报道的痛苦只有李玟自己独自战斗，大家聚焦的是每一场战斗路上，独自硬挺的她孤单的身影。这段时间热火的电影《消失的她》，是不是也在某种程度上印证了不幸的婚姻是女人的地狱？另一部电影《我爱你》，又残酷地再现了年老后的夫妻，总有一个人先你而去，让我们终将遇见孤独的自己，独自面对死亡的残酷？从生下来的第一刻开始，我们就已经面对死亡的威胁，向死而生的人生中，在任何一段关系中，思想交流都是很重要的事。
手机里，每天信息多得看不过来，工作、朋友信息需要及时回复，重要的联系需要置顶，不很重要的需要屏蔽、折叠，你忙的日理万机，一副唯我至尊的得意。而当你困惑迷茫失意需要朋友时，有多少人能找到一个当下可以无条件帮你并陪你的人？
通讯录从A翻到Z，你不知道给谁可以发信息，诉说一下自己，或者听听对方的声音。有时，你会觉得自己很丧，发觉生活没有任何意义，你不知道自己需要什么，你也不想和任何人进行敷衍的交往。感觉自己活得那么卑微，把自己低到尘埃里，也看不到一点亮光，你只渴望简简单单地活着，不为活着之外的任何事物而活着。
通讯录里几千个朋友，我们以为自己认识很多人，有很多朋友，我们的内心却常常孤独，因为并不是每一个人都可以畅所欲言，每一个人都能感同身受，每一个人都能懂自己的悲欢离合。
你渴望找到一个这样的红颜或者蓝颜，从QQ里寻找，从附近人寻找。起初你只是渴望单纯地聊聊天，说说话，尽管你不知道对方是什么样的人，从事什么职业。在虚拟的网络里你感受着真实的人生，男人倾诉自己的欲望，女人渴求欲望，简单直接粗暴，不像现实生活中，明明欲望写满脸上，荷尔蒙爆裂，却一副正人君子的伪装，让自己在现实的生活中感受着人性的虚伪。
有时候你就想靠在某个人的身上，忘却工作上的烦心事，忽略生活中的柴米油盐酱醋茶的琐屑，放下家庭里一地鸡毛的辛苦，不再痴迷风花雪月的光鲜亮丽，安安静静地躺在一个人的怀里，听心跳的声音，借此获得力量。
有人说你只管善良上天自有安排，可是善良不就是被欺负的代名词吗？其实善良就是一种懦弱，你找不到可以替代的方式去反抗，只好让自己花自飘零水自流。一种相思，两处闲愁。此情无计可消除，才下眉头，却上心头。黯淡时光。
现在有越来越多的夫妻每天见面，每天上同一张床，但是她们几乎不说话，身体更无接触。但也有一些夫妻话很多，但几乎都是单方面说教。我们的思想需要交流，观点需要碰撞，从彼此的谈话里汲取快乐和养分。夫妻也是一种合作关系，既然在亲密的2个人之间实现不了这种需求，只好墙内损失墙外补，越来越多的人开始分床睡，分开后也就彼此不再渴望从对方身上索取自己所要的理解和认可。
在外求的过程中，你的心里有了TA，眼所见到的都是如画的美景，耳所听到的都是美妙的乐音。世界与日常没有什么不同，只因心中有TA而不同。
每天彼此问候一下，道一声早安、晚安，不痛不痒，似有似无地聊几句不咸不淡的话题。可当你意犹未尽时，你们聊家庭，聊伴侣，聊成年人的苦闷，父母的压力，孩子的压力，夫妻的压力，你试探性地发一个暧昧表情，TA也没有拒绝，然后暧昧的信息越来越多，表情已经不能传递你的想法，你给TA发小视频。就像那些出轨男女的套路一样，你们开始畅想实战演练。你已经不满足于精神的出轨，渴望身体的出轨。
爱情不过是多巴胺的作用，只有3—24个月的保鲜期。你以为自己爱上了伴侣之外的人，不是因为你真的有多爱TA，而是你承受不住婚姻带来的压力。当下你们的生活一潭死水已经波澜不惊，或者彼此就像左手摸右手，或者战火纷飞，精神的出轨已经重新焕发出你的激情和冲动。身边全是这样的饮食男女，习惯了彼此不过问对方生活的关系里，都想骚动一下。一代才女林徽因死后，梁思成娶了自己的学生林洙，说“原来真正的夫妻该是这样轻松和美地在一起的”林徽因思想活跃，反应敏捷，才华横溢，作为丈夫的梁思成需要跟上节奏，所以很累。才子不需要才女，他渴望的只是佳人而已。
所有的出轨都是从聊天开始。没有不出轨的人，不出轨只是受的诱惑不够。没有什么是永恒不变的，变，才是这个世界的常态。
我从“行为心理学”的角度总结了人们发朋友圈的十大原因，为外国朋友也能看懂，特意写成中英对照（中英文大意相同，并非完全直译），请各位细看，说得不对之处，请忽略：
1，刷存在感。通过分享自己的生活、去的地方、吃的东西等吸引眼球。其内在需求是表明自己的存在。在这个人与人的关系越来越疏远的时代，登门造访、打电话，都可能犯冒失之嫌。通过微信刷存在感，让朋友圈中所谓的朋友记得还有自己这个人存在，真的是个好办法。
To obtain the feeling of existence. We can impress others by sharing our routine life, the place where we go, the food we eat, the goods we buy. The key point is to demonstrate our existence by appealing to the eyeballs. We are now in the era when the relations between human beings are becoming more and more unfamiliar and indifferent so that it is regarded disturbing and offensive to call at the house of old friends or even to telephone them. It is not so easy to find a good way to make us hear from each other without disturbing our private life nowadays. Wechat Moments provides us a platform where we can publish our information to the circles of friends. The friends in the circle can choose to read, respond or even ignore our message. Those who send the message would not care whether the receivers read it when emptying the bowels or before falling into to sleep in the midnight, and they would not care the receivers like it or not either. They only know maybe somebody will read it, and maybe somebody will click LIKE button, or somebody will give comments, and that’s OK.
2， 发泄自己的倾诉欲、表现欲、暴露欲。
To meet requirements of pouring out one’s heart, to satisfy the desire to show off, to fulfill the wish of exposure.
Human is the kind of creature who has intense social nature. They have various interactive requirements. The need of revealing one’s innermost feelings is a very important aspect. Those who have strong feeling of speaking out can even release themselves by shouting at cattle, just like some indoors-men abandon themselves to do hand job in front of the picture of Bingbing Fan.
So is the desire to show off for some persons. They might feel very excited since their childhood if they could act something to the audience. Maybe their dream job is to become actors or actresses. They will feel extraordinarily disappointed if they find there are no crowd surrounding them when they are showing something. Unfortunately in their everyday’s life, they are not focus people and don’t have this opportunity of showing off. Luckily, Wechat help them a lot by providing this platform for showing off.
Generally speaking, people tend to protect their privacy and don’t like to reveal their true features. But situation is not always like this. Some people are fond of exposing their private life, their mind, and some parts of their bodies. Similarly, Wechat Moments provides a place for exposing themselves.
3， 记录自己的生活、思想。一方面是为了留待自己以后来看，去追寻。
另一方面是为了总结自己的思想，通过把东西写下来让自己的思路更清晰，总结的更全面。基本上就是日记的作用。那为何不写日记呢？主要是微信朋友圈用起来非常简洁方便；另一方面的原因可能是为了给人看看，看看人家对自己的思想有什么反映和反馈，以便于总结提高，但是往往失望，原因在于别人要么只是点个赞，要么只是随便回复一下原因是在于别人没有那么大的兴趣去研究你的问题。
To keep records of their life and idea. On one hand, they can keep the picture and writing so that they can study and recall them in the future; on the other hand, the behavior itself of writing down their idea can help them organize their thought and then work out more reasonable and comprehensive point of view. In this aspect, they use Wechat as diary software.
But why not use professional diary software directly? Maybe one reason is that the diary software is not so famous and so easy to obtain as Wechat. I think the more important reason is that through Wechat they can share their point of view to others and elicit feedback which may help them modify their idea. However, they will be disappointed eventually and find others seldom give extraordinarily useful feedback as they expected. Why? It is easy to perceive that the others wouldn't have the same interest as them in their personal issues.
4， 兜售自己的观念，给人洗脑。企业老板、职业经理人、培训师、公众人物、老师等经常这么做。
To promote one’s own idea, and try to brainwash others. Company owners, professional managers, trainers, teachers, other public figures, like to do this way. These guys think they are smarter than others, but brainwashing is harder than money laundering.
5， 兜售自己的商品。各种销售人员，推销人员把朋友圈当成自己的叫卖场。某些专业人士兜售自己的专业知识，也属于此类。
To sell one’s own products. Various kinds of salesperson, promoters, tend to regard Friend Circles of Wechat as shopping place of their own company and peddle all the time. Some professionals like to peddle their specialized knowledge here, and so on. These behaviors are very annoying.
6， 兜售自己，有目的地展现自己的形象，当然都是有企图的。比如某人经常转发所谓正能量、心灵鸡汤的微信，试图让别人认为他是个阳光积极的人，实际上他每天在干啥勾当只有天知道。许多政界人士、演艺界人士或各种名人喜欢这么做。
To sell themselves, and to demonstrate their special image, of course with intention. For example, somebody always transmit message purposed to contain so called positive energy or chicken soup for the soul in Moments, in order to let others think they positive and optimistic persons. Actually only God knows what they are doing every day. Many officials, actors/actresses and other famous people act like this.
7， 通过发朋友圈自我激励，自我暗示。甚至诅咒发誓，反正重复万遍也成为真理，达到自欺欺人的效果。比如经常发些要坚持、要有毅力的帖子，成功学的帖子，比尔·盖茨10条忠告什么的。表面上是给人家看的，实际上是为了激励自己。刚学“成功学”的年轻人最喜欢这么做。
To self-motivate and self-suggest. They transmit some message which they think will be their life creed, or guide to action, or key to success. They quote traditional saying, motto of celebrities, such as 10 suggestions from Bill Gates and Ma Yun, repeatedly every day only to regulate and cultivate themselves. The young people who just start to be mind-controlled by so-called success science act like this.
8， 别有用心的特别目的，如丑化某些国家，丑化政党，丑化某些民族，挑起地域纷争，挑起社会动荡，挑起民众对政府的不相信等。
With special political or social purpose. For example, some persons spread materials to demonize some country, to smear some parties, to defame some nationalities, or to provoke territory conflict, to stir up social instability, to cause the public to have no confidence in their government, etc.
9， 用来做追求某人、示爱的手段。
To chase girls, to show love to them.
10,某些特别工作需要或事务性目的。
To publish some personal or business notification on this convenient cost-free platform. For example, we can issue a meeting notice in a corporate inner group of Wechat. And we can publish a notice for missing person there.
我从“行为心理学”的角度总结了人们发朋友圈的十大原因，为外国朋友也能看懂，特意写成中英对照（中英文大意相同，并非完全直译），请各位细看，说得不对之处，请忽略：
1，刷存在感。通过分享自己的生活、去的地方、吃的东西等吸引眼球。其内在需求是表明自己的存在。在这个人与人的关系越来越疏远的时代，登门造访、打电话，都可能犯冒失之嫌。通过微信刷存在感，让朋友圈中所谓的朋友记得还有自己这个人存在，真的是个好办法。
To obtain the feeling of existence. We can impress others by sharing our routine life, the place where we go, the food we eat, the goods we buy. The key point is to demonstrate our existence by appealing to the eyeballs. We are now in the era when the relations between human beings are becoming more and more unfamiliar and indifferent so that it is regarded disturbing and offensive to call at the house of old friends or even to telephone them. It is not so easy to find a good way to make us hear from each other without disturbing our private life nowadays. Wechat Moments provides us a platform where we can publish our information to the circles of friends. The friends in the circle can choose to read, respond or even ignore our message. Those who send the message would not care whether the receivers read it when emptying the bowels or before falling into to sleep in the midnight, and they would not care the receivers like it or not either. They only know maybe somebody will read it, and maybe somebody will click LIKE button, or somebody will give comments, and that’s OK.
2， 发泄自己的倾诉欲、表现欲、暴露欲。
To meet requirements of pouring out one’s heart, to satisfy the desire to show off, to fulfill the wish of exposure.
Human is the kind of creature who has intense social nature. They have various interactive requirements. The need of revealing one’s innermost feelings is a very important aspect. Those who have strong feeling of speaking out can even release themselves by shouting at cattle, just like some indoors-men abandon themselves to do hand job in front of the picture of Bingbing Fan.
So is the desire to show off for some persons. They might feel very excited since their childhood if they could act something to the audience. Maybe their dream job is to become actors or actresses. They will feel extraordinarily disappointed if they find there are no crowd surrounding them when they are showing something. Unfortunately in their everyday’s life, they are not focus people and don’t have this opportunity of showing off. Luckily, Wechat help them a lot by providing this platform for showing off.
Generally speaking, people tend to protect their privacy and don’t like to reveal their true features. But situation is not always like this. Some people are fond of exposing their private life, their mind, and some parts of their bodies. Similarly, Wechat Moments provides a place for exposing themselves.
3， 记录自己的生活、思想。一方面是为了留待自己以后来看，去追寻。
另一方面是为了总结自己的思想，通过把东西写下来让自己的思路更清晰，总结的更全面。基本上就是日记的作用。那为何不写日记呢？主要是微信朋友圈用起来非常简洁方便；另一方面的原因可能是为了给人看看，看看人家对自己的思想有什么反映和反馈，以便于总结提高，但是往往失望，原因在于别人要么只是点个赞，要么只是随便回复一下原因是在于别人没有那么大的兴趣去研究你的问题。
To keep records of their life and idea. On one hand, they can keep the picture and writing so that they can study and recall them in the future; on the other hand, the behavior itself of writing down their idea can help them organize their thought and then work out more reasonable and comprehensive point of view. In this aspect, they use Wechat as diary software.
But why not use professional diary software directly? Maybe one reason is that the diary software is not so famous and so easy to obtain as Wechat. I think the more important reason is that through Wechat they can share their point of view to others and elicit feedback which may help them modify their idea. However, they will be disappointed eventually and find others seldom give extraordinarily useful feedback as they expected. Why? It is easy to perceive that the others wouldn't have the same interest as them in their personal issues.
4， 兜售自己的观念，给人洗脑。企业老板、职业经理人、培训师、公众人物、老师等经常这么做。
To promote one’s own idea, and try to brainwash others. Company owners, professional managers, trainers, teachers, other public figures, like to do this way. These guys think they are smarter than others, but brainwashing is harder than money laundering.
5， 兜售自己的商品。各种销售人员，推销人员把朋友圈当成自己的叫卖场。某些专业人士兜售自己的专业知识，也属于此类。
To sell one’s own products. Various kinds of salesperson, promoters, tend to regard Friend Circles of Wechat as shopping place of their own company and peddle all the time. Some professionals like to peddle their specialized knowledge here, and so on. These behaviors are very annoying.
6， 兜售自己，有目的地展现自己的形象，当然都是有企图的。比如某人经常转发所谓正能量、心灵鸡汤的微信，试图让别人认为他是个阳光积极的人，实际上他每天在干啥勾当只有天知道。许多政界人士、演艺界人士或各种名人喜欢这么做。
To sell themselves, and to demonstrate their special image, of course with intention. For example, somebody always transmit message purposed to contain so called positive energy or chicken soup for the soul in Moments, in order to let others think they positive and optimistic persons. Actually only God knows what they are doing every day. Many officials, actors/actresses and other famous people act like this.
7， 通过发朋友圈自我激励，自我暗示。甚至诅咒发誓，反正重复万遍也成为真理，达到自欺欺人的效果。比如经常发些要坚持、要有毅力的帖子，成功学的帖子，比尔·盖茨10条忠告什么的。表面上是给人家看的，实际上是为了激励自己。刚学“成功学”的年轻人最喜欢这么做。
To self-motivate and self-suggest. They transmit some message which they think will be their life creed, or guide to action, or key to success. They quote traditional saying, motto of celebrities, such as 10 suggestions from Bill Gates and Ma Yun, repeatedly every day only to regulate and cultivate themselves. The young people who just start to be mind-controlled by so-called success science act like this.
8， 别有用心的特别目的，如丑化某些国家，丑化政党，丑化某些民族，挑起地域纷争，挑起社会动荡，挑起民众对政府的不相信等。
With special political or social purpose. For example, some persons spread materials to demonize some country, to smear some parties, to defame some nationalities, or to provoke territory conflict, to stir up social instability, to cause the public to have no confidence in their government, etc.
9， 用来做追求某人、示爱的手段。
To chase girls, to show love to them.
10,某些特别工作需要或事务性目的。
To publish some personal or business notification on this convenient cost-free platform. For example, we can issue a meeting notice in a corporate inner group of Wechat. And we can publish a notice for missing person there.
页面更新：08-19
